President Clinton and Russian Roulette - Gambling JokesRate It [ 0.00 / 0 Votes ]
Any thoughts? President Clinton was being entertained by an African leader. They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. "The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. We learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette. President Clinton frowned. "Russian roulette is a dangerous game!" The African leader smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. I'll show you how." He pushed a buzzer, and in paraded a half dozen, magnificently built women who immediate shrugged off their garb. "You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told Clinton.
As you can well imagine, THIS got Clinton's immediate attention, and he was ready to make his choice, when a thought occurred to him. "How is this related to Russian roulette?"
The African leader smiled evilly, leaned towards Clinton and in a soft, even voice said "One of them is a cannibal."
Submitted by Torg - Gambling Jokes
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<> (Submitted on: Thu Mar 01, 2001) 117
Professional GamblerRate It [ 0.00 / 0 Votes ]
Any thoughts? During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."
The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."
The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender. "I'm a professional gambler," replied the man. The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean your odds are fifty-fifty at best right?" "Well, I only bet on sure things, "said the guy. "Like what?" asked the bartender. "Well, for example, Ill bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye" he said. The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said. So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me, " said the bartender and paid the guy his $50. "I'll give you another chance, I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye" said the stranger. The bartender thought again and said, "Well I know you're not blind, I mean I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet", so the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye. "Aw you screwed me again" protested the bartender. "That's how I win so much money bartender, I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars" said the man.
With that the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk he said, "Bartender I'll give you one last chance, I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and pee into that whisky bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop!" The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet much less one. "Okay you're on." he said. They guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began peeing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle. The bartender was ecstatic! Laughing the bartender said "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!" The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay, I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks that I could pee all over your bar and still make you laugh!"
President Clinton was being entertained by an African leader. They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out. "The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. We learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette. President Clinton frowned. "Russian roulette is a dangerous game!" 
